Thursday, April 3, 2014

Yes Mom - Revisited

I posted about being a "Yes Mom" several years ago HERE.  It's a philosophy that's near and dear to my heart, so I thought I'd revisit it today.

As a mom (and a mom of three!) I find myself saying "no" or a version of "no" all. the. time. 

"No. We're not going to Lego Land today after school."

"Don't put clothespins on your sisters ears."

"We don't take our diaper off to dump our poop in the toilet"

"No, we can not have a pet cow live in our backyard"

"No. You may not have cupcakes for breakfast."

You get the idea.

There are things that I obviously have to say no to, but sometimes I catch myself saying no to things that I could just as easily say yes to.

When Mason asks to play Play Dough, my first response is usually "no".  Because play dough sucks.  It dries in crusty little pieces and gets into all the little toys and it completely annoys me that he mixes the colors.  I just swept the floor and I don't want to have to sweep up again when you're done.  BUT... it doesn't have to be "no".  It can be, "yes" because honestly... it will make his little day and how long does it REALLY take to sweep.

When Luke wants to have a picnic and eat dinner on the floor of the family room while watching Curious George I want to explain that we eat dinner at the table because that's what we do :)  But instead I oblige his request and get to see his excited little face. :)

When the kids ask if we can do chalk on the driveway, my initial response is to say "NO!  I have dinner to cook, your sister needs to get a bottle and I don't want to have to get the chalk out, clean it up and then wash your hands". :)  But really - how hard is it to just say yes, play chalk for 10 minutes and then go on with our lives.


What??? Y'all want to jump on the trampoline before bed?  Sure!


"Yes! You CAN jump on the leaves in the trash can"

 "Go ahead and eat that cookie before dinner".  Because really.  Are they going to eat all of their other food anyway??? And how fun to get a cookie before dinner. hahaha

You want to wear a football helmet into Starbucks?  Why not.
And 3D goggles with a dog head attached to them into Macaroni Grill?  Knock yourself out.

Now, don't think I'm saying yes to everything and we're just all "willy nilly" up in here.  We have rules and boundaries and all that jazz and they know that I don't always say yes.  They also know that sometimes the yes comes with a condition...

"Sure, we can go blow bubbles after dinner.... but then we won't have time for bubbles in the tub tonight".

"Of course you can bring your Lego set in the car... but it has to fit into this ziploc baggie"

I try to say yes, because then when I say no I can remind them of all the times I said yes.

I try to say "yes" because I want them to know I think they're full of great ideas.

 I try to say "yes" as often as I can because I don't want them to remember me always saying no.

I try to say "yes" because most of the time we end up creating super special memories that otherwise wouldn't have happened. 

Give being a "Yes Mom" a try and tell me what you think!  You might just be surprised at how much fun you end up having :)

27 comments:

  1. Thanks Andrea-- this is really inspiring, and I needed to read it this morning :) You are an amazing mom! I'm attempting to say "yes" more today!
    www.floralandfudge.blogspot.com

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  2. I have been reading your blog for a while and you have so many great ideas. I love this! You're right - what difference will a few minutes of chalk or bubbles or play dough make other than making them happy? I'm going to try hard to be more of a Yes mom. Thanks for the reminder.

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  3. Goodness! From the minute you and I first discussed your mom's Yes Mom philosophy, I have tried to be that myself! Yes! We should be yes moms! I love, love, love this post! And I love, love, love you. We're soul sisters :).

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  4. LOVE this!!! I loved it last time and I love it again!!!

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  5. I LOVE this! Kids remember all of those moments playing with chalk and play dough together. Right now my boys have no words but toddle over holding Dear Zoo approximately 10,000 times a day. "Dis. Dis. Dis." And I get to read it. Over and over and over.

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  6. I found myself doing this a few months back, because really who doesn't want a cookie before dinner?! Love that you use the term willy nilly, my husband says it all the time!

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  7. So love this post as I feel I have been a "no mom" so much lately that I need to change my attitude around and try harder to be "yes mom" so thanks again for the reminder! You truly are such a great mom and I just love all your ideas!

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  8. Love this concept! We don't have kiddos (yet, still trying) but such a good reminder to be a "yes" person in a lot of aspects of our lives. :)

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  9. I read your original post a long time ago, and I've actually been talking to my husband about it just this week. I want to be a Yes Mom.

    My daughter is in the midst of a hard-core temper tantrum phase, and it's so frustrating for ALL of us. But sometimes, really, I can just say yes and spare us all the trouble. Yes, you can sleep with your water bottle. Yes, we can color with chalk every.single.night. Yes, we can watch Frozen again. Because, really, what difference does it make.

    The one big thing we've REALLY been struggling with is her pacifier. She wants it ALL THE TIME. And as soon as she starts to melt down, she NEEEEEEDS her binky. It drives me nuts, and is the source of my biggest frustration. But again, what difference does it really make? Yes, you can have your binky for a few minutes until you calm down.

    Thank you for inspiring me to be more of a Yes Mom. :)

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  10. I love, love, love the idea of being a "yes Mom." I remember first reading about you being a "yes mom" and when I become a mom one day--I definitely want to have this philosophy. In the meantime, I'm a high-school teacher and I decided to incorporate this philosophy in my classroom. Being a yes teacher sometimes means stopping class a few minutes early to watch an espn clip that they are dying to see. Or laughing along with them being silly. Or listening to them when they want to tell me something that interest them. Or in today's case...letting a few students have a competition on who could do the "worm" across my classroom the fastest...because I've found that coming to their level and being real with them opens up opportunities for them to trust you and respect you. I never want to miss an opportunity to speak life into a student because sometimes they only give you one chance. And it goes back to what you said---it doesn't mean that I say "yes" all of the time, and it doesn't mean that "yes" comes without boundaries...but it does mean that I want my classroom to be a fun place of learning and community...and plus--what is 5 minutes of class time going to hurt? #yesteacher :) Thanks for sharing your philosophy--it really is awesome!

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  11. I love, love, love the idea of being a "yes Mom." I remember first reading about you being a "yes mom" and when I become a mom one day--I definitely want to have this philosophy. In the meantime, I'm a high-school teacher and I decided to incorporate this philosophy in my classroom. Being a yes teacher sometimes means stopping class a few minutes early to watch an espn clip that they are dying to see. Or laughing along with them being silly. Or listening to them when they want to tell me something that interest them. Or in today's case...letting a few students have a competition on who could do the "worm" across my classroom the fastest...because I've found that coming to their level and being real with them opens up opportunities for them to trust you and respect you. I never want to miss an opportunity to speak life into a student because sometimes they only give you one chance. And it goes back to what you said---it doesn't mean that I say "yes" all of the time, and it doesn't mean that "yes" comes without boundaries...but it does mean that I want my classroom to be a fun place of learning and community...and plus--what is 5 minutes of class time going to hurt? #yesteacher :) Thanks for sharing your philosophy--it really is awesome!

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  12. Thank you so much for this Andrea! With a 2 year old at home I feel like I am constantly saying "no", "don't do that", etc. I do need to embrace saying "yes" a bit more :)

    I will always say yes to the trampoline or bounce house! Need to tire him out any way I can! lol!

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  13. Inspiring! I read an article about being a yes mom awhile back and I love it. Baby girl won't be here until July, but I'm already praying to live out this philosophy as a mom. I just love this! Thanks for sharing Andrea!

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  14. I love love love this post! Thanks for sharing! My kids will thank u :) :)

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  15. I love this! I feel like all too often it is easier to say no. Or they are doing something they shouldn't so we just say no. No, don't stick your hand in the toilet. No, don't tear all the books off the shelf and throw them on the floor. No, don't throw your sippy cup on the floor. No, its time for bed. But really, is the book issue hurting anyone? No. Sometimes you have to say yes and I love this reminder! Thank you!

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  16. Love this!!!! Our babies won't be little forever and we need to enjoy all these special moments! Saying, "Yes" is so worth it! Great post! :-)

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  17. This is my heart. I believe Jesus is the Yes and Amen of God and He only tells us no if it's going to harm us or keep us from a better yes in the future. I've always tried to be that mom to my boys.. Say yes as often as I can. I love this post and am so encouraged to read it! In a no world our kiddos need to hear yes to simple and fun ideas within definite boundaries.

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  18. Eek! I love this! I need to remember to say yes more often!

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  19. I love this! Such fun memories come when we say Yes!

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  20. I'm always trying to keep perspective on this too. They're kids, this is their childhood. It's up to is to make it special! (Need to get my hubby to read this somehow ;))

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  21. Loved this post! I am challenging myself to be a "yes mom." Sometimes hearing myself repeatedly say "no" drives me crazy. Thanks!

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  22. I love being a yes mom!!! The bet thing about it is that I don't ever feel like I have to "work" for memories and magic-it just happens when I say yes! I mean, we have rules and structure and manners and whatnot, but I've found saying the little yeses make the kids instantly happy and it builds more "quality happy" into my day. It makes life more bearable when I have to say "stop drinking the bath water" for the thousandth time! Thanks for sharing!!

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  23. YES! Ever since I first heard you talk about this, I have been MUCH BETTER about being a "YES MOM"! And, just like you mentioned, I try to compliment his "great ideas". So much so that almost every "idea" he has now, he prefaces with "Mom, I have a great idea....." Love my YES MOM friend and how you inspired me to be a YES MOM too!

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  24. I must admit, I've recently pulled the stick out of my bum and become a "yes mom". Life is so much more fun this way and I can even see the difference it makes in mine and my daughter's day. :)

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  25. Hi Andrea! Thanks so much for this post. My 3 sons are all grown and I miss being a Yes Mom, but I was able to have a Yes Mom moment yesterday. I was driving home hot and tired from a long day of teaching when I noticed I had a text from my 21 year old son that said, "Apple cobbler tonight?". The last thing I wanted to do was stop at the store but I remembered your post and said,"Sure!".

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  26. Hi Andrea! I got here by way of Shaffer. I have completely enjoyed reading this post. I too, am a teacher with three kiddos and life can just get C.R.A.Z.Y.!! Our kids are spread out 15(boy),10(boy), and 3(girl)...got my girl, it just took a while :) With all the maddness surrounding the different activities and envolvements of my kids, I still wouldn't change a thing.
    I wanted to tell you that the "yes mom" has become something that I have done so much more of with my daughter than I ever did with my boys. I'm glad I finally figured it out (trial and error parenting). I want to say that I have had these experiences of the "no mom" vs the "yes mom" and looking back it does make me sad that it took so long for me to figure this out. So from my 15 years of experience, I agree 100% with you! Thank you for posting! :)

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  27. I love this post! Just clicked over here from PTMT. I try to do just that, say yes but like you sometimes it comes with conditions, like if we do this now, we won't have time for stories at bedtime...but it makes you feel good when their little faces light up.

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